So I started this entry out as a list of random ‘about me’ things. It became increasingly disinteresting, so I switched back to the normal style.

I’ve been tracing the root of my insecurities lately… my biggest one having always been that I felt skinny and self-conscious about my body. I’ve always seen the image of a man to be 6’, 185lbs… or similar proportions. Subconsciously, height and thickness project an image of strength and security… which I’ve never felt I possess. Although basically content with my height at 5’11, a weight of 145 pounds is nothing particularly sexy. I’ve always wanted to physically be the kind of guy I found attractive. I’m not sure if that’s a weird vanity issue, normal, or what… but my issue nonetheless.

What I’m getting at, and what I’m excited about, is that lately I’m not seeing that skinny guy anymore. I’m becoming confident and comfortable with what the mirror reflects. People react to me differently (in a bar setting) than before, which in turn feeds the confidence machine, I suppose. Now, at just under 170 (I was 146 when I arrived in Dallas), with a final goal of 175, I feel like for the first time I’ve nearly ditched a discomfort that’s tagged along in my mind for as long as I can remember. I don’t worry about looking too scrawny in anything I wear, or being embarrassed to wear short-sleeved shirts.

Sushi with The Borderline Bear was nice last night. We went to an AWESOME place on lower Greenville Avenue (The equivalent of “The Strip”, but for straight people). It was a nice, comfortable dinner, with moderate conversation. Afterwards, we returned to my apartment to watch Garden State. We were well-behaved, and he left around 10:30. I don’t really know that this is heading in any particular direction, or that either of us wants it to… but he’s low drama, and easy to be around. I think he feels the same.