Is it fun that this is the picture on the background of my phone? Yes. Special thanks to The Tall Friend who accompanied me on my weekend trip to the Mesquite Cracker Barrel. I had a hankering for southern food, you see, and he was good sport enough to experience it with me. He snapped that photo, which I oddly made my background. It�s meatloaf and fried okra. Comfort food.

I have a tendency of thinking everyone is attractive. I like to think it�s a good quality, but things like this morning�s �Ooh� he�s cute!... for a guy with a cigarette� at a bus stop� wait� is he homeless?� have me questioning how good a quality it really is. If you were to ask my friends, they�d definitely back that up� Emmarae would most likely mention the guy who appeared to be incarcerated� �grandpa� has been a descriptor more than once, as well. Sometimes extreme masculinity sways me, it seems. I also tend to notice hot older guys and think about how hot they were 15-20 years ago� and I kinda start to see them that way.

VGL is slightly nervous about my visit this weekend� worried about being revealed as gay. I know what I�m getting into, so I�m expecting some frustration� however I take great offense in his �worrying� about my remaining undetectable� my demeanor has always been naturally masculine� �slipping up� and tossing my hair or snapping my fingers just won�t happen. The only thing that�ll give me away is staring at the male cheerleaders a little too long or getting excited when the female cheerleaders start doing flips and tumble passes. But those are things I can keep under wraps. I will be discrete, but I won�t be made to feel like a potential embarrassment or point of worry. He said he isn�t worried about me specifically, but more nervous in general. He�s dated a guy who has been around his friends before, and said he felt the same nervousness in that situation, too. We�ll see.

Half TYC seems a little irritated that VGL isn�t out, and that I�m going to be �playing the game� of being straight, dealing with his closet issues, etc. I understand his position, but we�re a little different about this. There�s a big difference when you�re closeted but noticeably gay, and closeted and undetectably gay. When you�re the former, in the back of their minds, people have already accepted it, and the verbal confirmation never makes much difference. Also, when noticeably gay, you�re not really subject to being whispered about or your sexual orientation used as a �secret� against you. That�s the difference in Half TYC and me. I was semi-outed at my last job, and it was unknown to me for days. Because it was such a surprise, they treated it as a shameful secret. I am not ashamed of my orientation (I spent enough years doing that)� so it was important to me that I pull aside the ringleader and explain that� in addition to explaining the difference between relevant workplace information, and �a secret.� Anyway� I�m more tolerant of VGL�s situation because of it.

No gym tonight, as yet another going-away party for a co-worker is being held at a nearby pub. I might as well get to know a few more folks before my going away party.