On my return from lunch, I noticed a yellow lady bug aggressively crawling in my arm hair. I paused on the sidewalk, promptly (and loudly) declared "No Ma'am!" and flicked her goodbye with my non-manicured finger. Thou shalt not wandereth in my arm hair.

I'm buying a new mattress this weekend. The tired old queen has fallen victim to old age, rather than the more admirable excessive abuse. Oh what it will be to enjoy bedtime again. Seriously, I've dreaded going to bed for the last two or three months due to the crazy rigged-up way I have to sleep. I basically fill in the dips and potholes with pillows and wads of blanket. My spine somehow sees through this trickery, and I'm left with a steady supply of morning aches.

So I've slimmed down to (and am trying to maintain) 160lbs for the summer. Fearing my 5 lbs of loss was muscle, I asked TYC if I looked smaller. Half TYC replied "No, you don't look like you've lost any muscle" where The Other Half replied "You look like you've slimmed down a little. Your face looks less fat." Your face looks less fat? To them, apparently, I've been about 2 lbs shy of the ideal stomach-stapling candidate.

This weekend I'll be sure to greet each mattress salesman with, "Hi. I need a new mattress. The last one was crushed by my old fat face."